i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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