Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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