I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
