i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
