it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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