Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
