he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
