my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
