Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is classic penis vs brain.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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