Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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