Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
