all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
