so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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