I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
