it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
