we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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