SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
