I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
