i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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