guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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