There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
