my mouth tastes like poor choices
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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