dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
