I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
