I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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