Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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