If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize