Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
