every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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