He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize