haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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