6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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