I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
