She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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