well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
