You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize