Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
