you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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