Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
