we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
