So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
