You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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