trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
handjob tips. give me some.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize