We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pants are for mortals
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
