Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
