You really coming over, don't trick.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
