Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
