somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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