Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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