Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
