So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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