So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
