Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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