The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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