i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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