Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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