We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
