So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
