dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this just has baby written all over it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize