Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
