he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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