So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
