I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
