so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
